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The Pirates Cast

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[Captain Long Tom Short]

Captain Long Tom Short

Long Tom Short is the scourge of the Caribbean in the 1650s. He's sailed the Spanish Main, boarded Dutch merchantmen, and sent several English freebooters to Davy Jones' Locker. He can outrun a hurricane, outsail a Portuguese galleon, and is handy with a cutlass. His passion is defending the purity of pirate slang, which he practises at every opportunity.

[Dirty Dirque]

Dirty Dirque

Dirty Dirque is Long Tom's bosun. What this means is he runs the ship while the captain is off spouting piratical nonsense at his enemies. Dirque also liaises with colonial governors in order to obtain privateering rights. So far he's managed to get booty off the English for fighting the French, the French for fighting the English, the Spanish for fighting the Portuguese, the Portuguese for fighting the Dutch, and the Dutch for fighting the Spanish.

[Wendy Wenchgood]

Wendy Wenchgood

Wendy is a pirate wench. She joined Long Tom's crew to get away from the stifling colonial life in Port Royal. Although traditionally women joined pirate crews by posing as a cabin boy, Wendy's ample proportions put paid to that idea. The men on the crew like to have her around for obvious reasons. (She's a dab hand with a cutlass, has killed dozens of men, excels at finding buried treasure, and is really good at pirate slang.)

[Governor Wenchgood]

Governor Wenchgood

Wendy's father is the Governor of His Majesty's English colony of Port Royal, on the island of Jamaica. He is distressed by his daughter's freewheeling piratical ways, but has not managed to convince her to give them up for a life of sewing dresses and appearing at stiff formal balls in suffocating corsets during the hot Caribbean summer season.

[Captain Ponsonby]

Captain Ponsonby

Captain Ponsonby is the senior ranking officer of His Majesty's Navy based in Port Royal. He assumes his natural superiority over pirates, criminals, subordinates, and other assorted lowlife by dint of the fact that he is English.

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