1 {scene: blackness}
1 Lambert: Did I ever tell you about my uncle Bilbert's magical headgear?
1 Alvissa: Not that I recall.
2 Lambert: It was a stylish fedora made out of leaves, grass, and feathers. The magic detected the nearest supply of hearty food.
3 Alvissa: Sounds very useful for one of your kind.
3 Lambert: Oh yes. He was never far from his natural <gollum!>-hat.
4 Lambert: Sorry, this darn cough...

2020-08-29 Rerun commentary: I should start trying to teach myself to cough with "gollum" sounds without thinking about it. That could be amusing.

It'd definitely make a good character quirk for a character in a roleplaying game. As long as the player roleplays it faithfully, of course.