Poll Results

Total votes: 1701

Of course. One apple, and another one.: 764 (44.9%)
I'm 1.14159 apples short of a pi: 244 (14.3%)
That's in cider information: 241 (14.2%)
segmentation fault - core dumped: 106 (6.2%)
That's Apple(TM) to you! Prepare to be sued.: 102 (6.0%)
I'm feeling great malus over all these puns: 74 (4.4%)
Ask Paris: 65 (3.8%)
No, I have a pair.: 55 (3.2%)
Er, no. You said I have two, how can I have one?: 50 (2.9%)

Hmmm. I didn't expect such a mundane answer to come out so overwhelmingly in the lead.

And for anyone who doesn't know, Malus is the genus name of apple species, while Paris refers to Paris of Troy. Paris was attending the wedding of Peleus and Thetis, to which the gods of Mount Olympus had been invited. Unfortunately, whoever drew up the guest list neglected to send an invitation to Eris, the Goddess of Strife. She took this badly and gatecrashed the party, tossing amongst the crowd a golden apple inscribed "for the most beautiful" (only in Ancient Greek, of course). The goddesses Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite immediately began a catfight as to which of them deserved the apple. To settle matters, they asked the mighty Zeus to judge which of them should be deemed the most beautiful. Knowing a rock and a hard place when he saw it, Zeus delegated the choice to poor Paris, thus evading the tragedy that was to follow.

Not content with relying on their godly beauty, each goddess attempted to bribe poor Paris into judging her the most beautiful. Hera offered Paris great power and rule over all Asia, Athena offered wisdom and immense skill in battle, while Aphrodite offered the love of the most beautiful mortal woman in the world, Helen of Sparta, wife to King Menelaus. Paris chose Aphrodite, thus proving once and for all that he really needed the wisdom Athena was offering. He then went off to abduct Helen, triggering the Trojan War as her face launched a thousand ships.

So if ever you find yourself in a difficult situation over a choice involving apples, remember we'll always have Paris.