1 Gollum: {in pitch blackness} Ahh... We hass it! We shall eats it up!
1 Lambert: Aaaargh!
2 Gollum: Unlesss... unless it winss a riddle contest againsst uss!
3 Lambert: A riddle contest? Like how come you refer to me in the third person and are willing to let me go on such a flimsy premise?
4 Gollum: Argh! It criticises our characterisation! It hurtss usss!

For anyone who might be confused by this, this is a parody of the riddle scene in The Hobbit, where Bilbo Baggins meets Gollum. I expect most people reading this will know that, but I'm sure there are some who are not familiar with the book, and who would probably be very confused by this.

And I realise that the whole "black panels" thing is going to get tired very quickly. It won't go much longer, I promise. But I still have some storytelling to do here, and unfortunately I don't have the budget or skillz of Weta Digital, so as long as Gollum is around we'll have to stay in the dark.

But I hear New Line is looking for a director... maybe I should apply...

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2016-07-22 Rerun commentary: In case anyone has been wondering for the past ten years... I didn't get the job.