1 {scene: the Infinite Featureless Plane of Death}
1 Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: WELL, WELL, WELL.
1 Ghost: {now opaque} Where am I?
2 Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: THE INFINITE FEATURELESS PLANE OF DEATH.
3 Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: YOU ABSORBED ALMOST ALL THE DAMAGE OF THE BLAST.
3 Ghost: Woohoo!
4 Death of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs: SHAME. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SUCH A NICE FIREBALL TOO.

I wonder if that's the most common thing people ever say: "Where am I?" when they wake up in the afterlife. Whatever sort of afterlife it may (or may not) be, it's probably going to surprise a lot of people.

(Unless you subscribe to the idea that everyone gets the afterlife they expect. Which doesn't really seem like a good idea to me. Unrepentant evil people would get a nice afterlife, while basically good people who worry about things like forgetting to sending thank you cards would end up in some sort of personal hell.)

Another common thing that people say is when their phones ring and they're on the bus. They answer the phone and invariably they say, "Hello. ... I'm on the bus." Every single one of them. Every single time. What is so interesting about being on the bus that that's the first thing you have to tell someone when they ring you and you happen - through sheer chance - to be on the bus?

Just once, I'd like to hear someone's phone ring on the bus, and have them answer, "Hello. ... No, I'm still in the office. Working hard on those reports."

---

2024-03-30 Rerun commentary: Next time someone rings you and you're on the bus, answer with, "Hello. ... No, I'm in the Bahamas, lying on the beach. It's lovely here." Just to see what everyone eavesdropping on your conversation does.