1 Will: So, did you like my adventure?
2 Mike: Your adventure?
3 Will: Yeah. You always Dungeon Master, Mike, so I thought I’d give running a game a try.
4 Lucas: You realise this is not how it’s done?!
4 Dustin: And yet... 10/10 experience.
4 Eleven: Can I submit my own review?

Imagine if classic dungeons had Google reviews.

★☆☆☆☆ "Acererak owes me a new rogue." – Throg Battlehammer.

Look, I get that dungeons are supposed to be dangerous, but this is just sadistic. First door? Fake. Second door? Fake. Third door? Real, but only if you ignore the only obvious way forward, a creepy devil mouth that disintegrates you. Guess how we found that out. Yeah. R.I.P. Light-Fingered Freddy. We thought maybe the cleric could bring him back, but then she walked through a doorway and vanished who knows where. So now we're out two party members, and we haven't even found a single piece of loot. Would not recommend.

★☆☆☆☆ "We should've stayed in Greyhawk." – Valeria the Swift.

Where to begin? Maybe the floor that just collapses with no warning? Or the hallway where we thought we were making progress but were actually teleporting in circles? Oh, and the puzzle we spent an hour solving only to be greeted with instant death. Top-tier dungeon design if you're a necromancer who hates people. If you're an adventurer hoping for treasure and glory? Don't bother. Two thumbs down. If I still had thumbs.

★☆☆☆☆ "Unethical business practices." – Sir Reginald the Bold.

Advertised as a "fair but challenging test of skill and wit." LIES. My entire party died before we even saw a single gold coin. I barely made it out, and I had to pay an extortionate curse removal fee at the temple of Lathander. And do you think there was any treasure in my pockets after that ordeal? No. Because this dungeon eats adventurers and their wallets. Avoid at all costs.

★★☆☆☆ "Extra star for killing my bard, but otherwise, awful." – Durgan Ironfist.

Honestly, I hated Lute Skystrummer. Always singing, never shutting up, hitting on anything that moved, rhyming everything. So when the dungeon floor suddenly tilted and dropped him into red-hot lava without warning and he got immolated mid-ballad? Hilarious. Unfortunately, the rest of us were still in the dungeon and had to deal with multiple teleporting death traps and a giant rolling statue that fills the corridor and crushes everything. What kind of sick mind designs a dungeon like this?

★☆☆☆☆ "So many ways to die, so few ways to live." – Elenia Moonshadow.

Things I liked: The entrance was easy to find.
Things I did not like:

• The entrance was also trapped.
• The "safe path" leads right over the traps.
• The ceiling collapsed for no reason.
• A teleport trap took my fighter's armour and replaced it with his skeleton.
• The one treasure chest we found contained deadly snakes.
• The boss room was actually a fake boss room with gas that caused us to flee in fear. Right into a spiked pit trap.

Dungeon delving is supposed to be dangerous, but this is just mean. If you're looking for a good adventure, literally anywhere else is a better option.

★☆☆☆☆ "DO NOT ENTER" – One Really Angry Ghost.

I am leaving this review as a ghost because my entire party was obliterated by what I can only describe as the world's most unfair dungeon. Spent days solving riddles and avoiding traps only to be unceremoniously sucked into a lich's soul-devouring gem. No boss fight. No dramatic final moment. Just instant, unavoidable death. I hope Acererak stubs his incorporeal toe.

★★★★★ "Amazing dungeon, highly recommended!" – Acererak.

Ah, my masterpiece. Such a delightfully intricate web of suffering. Five stars, would construct again.