1 Julius: So what qualities are important to get elected to the Senate, Marcus?
2 Marcus: Scrupulous honesty. Integrity. A desire to put the needs of Rome and its citizens ahead of yourself. Endless sacrifice and compassion.
3 Julius: Wow, I didn't realise you needed to be so dedicated, virtuous, and selfless.
4 Marcus: There's your first lesson, Julius. The ability to lie through your teeth convincingly.

Yes, I know Romans didn't wear beards. If that's the only historical inconsistency you're worried about in this theme, then you either need to learn more about ancient Rome, or forget what you do know. :-)

---

2014-07-28 Rerun commentary: For the most part, Romans didn't grow beards. Roman men took up shaving early in the history of Roman civilisation, as a distinguishing feature compared to the Greeks. They did however allow their beards to grow in times of mourning, and a fashion for beards came back towards the end of the Roman Empire era. Wikipedia has a bit about it here.

The joke, by the way, is based on politicians being an Acceptable Target.